If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
