I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
