I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
he had hair everywhere except his balls
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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