I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
