If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
