Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
