i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
