mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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