If i come over, it means nothing
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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