I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
