I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My cat gives me a boner
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
