If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
