You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
