Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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