just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Come share oat with me in your robe
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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