I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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