Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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