just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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