I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
No subtext here. People are naked.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
