its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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