I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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