My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We are two peas in an std pod
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
