everyone is single if you try hard enough
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
