Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
