Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
