the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
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