u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
