you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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