i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
