Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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