i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
