Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
