just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
