Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
