this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
