he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Farmville is her only friend.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
