Please, let me fuck your mom
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
