yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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