we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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