im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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