he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
