omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Small penises have feelings too.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
