What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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