I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
