She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
PANTIES FOUND
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
