you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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