you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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