I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
