I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
