how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
