I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
