Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
