o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
