I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
