we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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