Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
