cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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