SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
