i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
