Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize