i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
