fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
