I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
