Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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