Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
