Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
