Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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