My pussy is not your playground.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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