im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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