the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
