What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
