My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
