My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Randomize
