I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
