i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
