Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
