yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I will pee on everything he values.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
