i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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