I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
