You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
