I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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